Promises
by Twilighter
Summary: Why do those who love me always hurt me, even when trying to save me? Edward leaves to protect me from himself. Jacob tries to keep me from a fate worse than death by, well, killing me. Honestly, it’s getting ridiculous. Am I the only one who sees that?


**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Twilight, New Moon_, or any of the characters in them. They are the property of Stephanie Meyer.

**Note: **This takes place after New Moon.

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**Promises**

_It didn't matter that doing this would cause myself pain, would cause pain to anyone that knew her and loved her. Charlie, her mother Renee, all of her friends…they didn't matter. Something far greater was at stake. _

_I had to do what was best for her. If I didn't, what kind of friend would I be? I'd made a promise to protect her, and I needed to uphold that oath. She was blind to the evil that rested in the man she loved. But I could see it. And I needed to save her before that same evil could consume her as well._

Impatience

Hunting. It was the bane of my existence. The hours dragged on, causing my misery to deepen with each passing second. I couldn't help but feel like time itself as taking pleasure in my torment, going in slow motion just to drive me insane. I felt boredom, impatience, longing…and, as always, the nagging suspicion that he _wasn't coming back_. This perpetual worry of mine never seemed to vanish completely, even when he was with me. But when I _wasn't _in his presence, it was near incapacitating, almost paralyzing me with fear. But I learned to fight through it.

I took a deep, calming breath. Of course he was coming back. He loved me. He'd promised that he would never leave me again, not in a million years.

But he'd broken promises before.

I tried to escape from the direction my mind was pulling me in: a trip down memory lane, to a place that I'd tried to avoid revisiting at all costs. I felt sick as I remembered him telling me that he didn't love me. I could almost hear his voice…the tone of cold indifference that he'd used sent chills down my spine. I shivered.

But that was all over now. It had all been a lie – a fruitless attempt to allow me to live a happy, normal, human life. As if that would ever happen. And even when they _did_ leave, there was nothing happy, normal, _or_ human about my existence. For one, I was miserable in the extreme. And as for 'normal' and 'human', I think they were pretty much put down when I started hanging out with werewolves.

I sighed into my pillow, my body almost caving under the weariness that was spreading through me. But it wasn't quite able to pull me under the surface of unconsciousness. It never was. I could never sleep without Edward here; my body couldn't seem to relax if he was not beside me.

But I knew that relief from the feeling of abandonment would not come to me even if I _was _asleep. My nightmares had continued, much to my regret. I'd thought that they would stop now that Edward was back. But even his soothing presence couldn't seem to stifle them.

It was like I was fighting an internal battle: the strength of my conviction that Edward loved me versus the certainty that I wasn't even worth his troubles. The latter proved to be victorious on most occasions, resulting in terrified shrieks filling my bedroom as Edward tried to alleviate my fear that my nightmares were real. Thank God that Charlie had long given up trying to comfort me after bad dreams. It would have been hard to explain why Edward was in my room, attempting to do the same.

On other, rarer nights, I was rewarded with pleasant dreams of me and Edward, together and happy. But these were few and far between, scattered randomly among nightmares spent on the Volturi, Victoria, and of course, Edward leaving.

I groaned in impatience, stretching as I willed time to move faster. The bed sheets grew tangled and messy as I tossed and turned. I couldn't help but fidget as I longed for the cool arms that held me while I slept.

It seemed that I was always wishing for time to hasten these days. Graduation was approaching, but not fast enough to placate me. A few more weeks of high school…and then I was free. I would be able get what I always wanted: an eternity with the man I loved. And then there were the added bonuses of a wonderful family and immortality. But, anything this good had to come with a catch, as I well knew. I would be losing my endearingly childlike mother, Renee; my caring, protective father, Charlie; and most of all, my werewolf best friend, Jake. Not to mention my entire life as I know it.

But these things, significant to me as they were, paled in comparison to what I would gain. My heart positively sang whenever I thought of my future with Edward and my soon-to-be adoptive family. I would give up anything, _everything_, for them.

My eyes found the alarm clock on my bedside table. It was scratched and battered from having been knocked off the table so many times, both from my clumsiness and my sheer irritation at being waken up. 12: 49 AM glowed at me tauntingly from its illuminated face. The red numbers told me what I wanted – Edward would be back soon. He'd said that he would only be a few hours…that meant three, right?

He'd spent the entire afternoon with me, under Charlie's radar of course. Breaking the rules of my grounding was something that we did on a daily basis. The laws of the house that my father had put down were absolutely ridiculous. I couldn't go anywhere other than school and work, whether it be with friends or with Edward and the rest of the Cullen family. I had visiting hours. I could only speak on the phone for a limited amount of time. I _would_ be going insane, but Edward always kept me company, courtesy of his supernatural abilities of speed and stealth.

Edward had left around nine o'clock. Upon his departure I'd found that I had nothing better to do than shower and go to sleep, trying to bypass the waking hours I'd need to spend awaiting his return.

Ugh, this was sad. No, more than that, it was pathetic. I could hardly survive _three_ hours without him. How I managed to live – though I could hardly call it living – through months of deprivation was beyond me.

I took a deep breath, looking around my room in a search for something to quell my restlessness. I was resigned to the fact that I was fully awake and would remain so until Edward returned. My gaze fell upon the CD rack that he had bought for me, along with the discs he'd purchased to fill it. I'd found it in my room the day after I'd confessed to him what had happened to my old music albums, and why. I'd instantly regretted telling him, hating the guilt that painted his perfect features as I admitted that I'd thrown them out because they hurt too much to listen to…because they reminded me of him.

But I had to admit that it was nice to be able to listen to music for the first time in a long time. Edward had even picked out more music that he knew I'd enjoy, besides restoring my entire previous collection.

I was contemplating whether or not I should expend the effort of finding my headphones and a decent CD when a shadow blocked out the meager light of the moon. A dark shape pulled itself effortlessly through my window, landing without a sound on the wooden floor. My heart lurched. Edward.

I jumped up and threw my arms around the silhouetted figure in relief. But as I came into contact with something warm, I immediately jumped back. I did this with such force that I stumbled back into my bed and fell backwards onto its surface. My chest felt tight with fear. In my haste, I hadn't noticed that the figure was too tall, too broad to be my Edward.

My scream was trapped in my throat, my body too shocked and scared to act in an attempt to save itself. Charlie was just in the other room, but I couldn't gather enough volume to let out an audible scream; he might just think it was another nightmare, anyway. As the darkened outline moved towards me, unblocking the window, his face was thrown into relief by the shallow lighting.

Jacob.

I slowly sat up, my hand pressed to my chest as if it could help slow down the frantic beating of my heart. I let out a sigh of relief. "Thank God it's you, Jacob," I said, a little breathless. "I got scared for a minute there."

I was so glad to see him, that he'd finally come to me, that I failed to notice the guilt and sorrow in his eyes. His mouth was held in a sort of sad, relieved smile. I guessed that it was similar to my own. This was the first time I had seen him since I'd faced him down for telling Charlie about the motorcycles. I put aside that anger and could only feel happy that he was back.

I thoughtlessly threw my arms around him in welcome, daring to believe that my best friend was finally coming back to me. "Jake! I missed you so much," This whole situation reminded me of the one in which he had previously crashed through my window, clinging to our friendship even after he became a werewolf and was forbidden to be with me.

Jacob hesitantly returned my embrace, but seemed stiff. Something was wrong. I pulled back a bit, craning my neck so that I could see his face. I could tell, as I examined him closely, that he wasn't angry; his body was perfectly still, no hint of a shudder anywhere. I wondered what was bothering him.

"I've missed you too, Bella," he whispered, his deep voice carrying pain. I misinterpreted it as sadness that he'd been away from me so long, the same way I felt about him.

I suddenly wondered why he had chosen to come here in person, rather than call me on the phone or reply to one of the many notes that I had relayed to him by means of Charlie and Billy. Maybe he thought it would be more personal. But personal in what way? Did he have good news for me, or bad?

"So what brings you here on such a fine night?" I asked, keeping my tone light, trying not to hope, but trying not to be negative either. He just continued to look down at me sadly. He still had his arms around my waist. I felt my brow furrow as I waited for an answer.

"I'm so sorry," he told me, ignoring my question and apologizing…for what? For telling Charlie about the motorcycles? Or that he had stayed away for so long, ignoring my pleas to see him, to speak with him? Or maybe he had to tell me that he could never ever see me again…His voice was rough, yet somehow still gentle. And again, there was that ache in his tone.

He shook his head slowly. "So sorry," he repeated. I braced myself. So it was bad news, then. I saw him glance anxiously out of my window before his eyes once again found my face. "I want you to know that I love you, and that I am _always_ going to do what is best for you." He said it in a rush. "It's better this way, Bella. I promise." It seemed as if he was trying to convince himself that whatever he was about to do was the right thing. I felt tears prick my eyes. He was leaving me again...permanently.

"Aw, come on Jake," I pleaded, my voice cracking. "It doesn't have to be this way. Don't leave." He glanced out the window again, and I saw determination in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Bella, but it's for the best." I felt one of his hands leave my waist. I thought he was starting to pull away. In desperation I reached up and grabbed his shoulders, the highest part of him that I could reach.

"No it isn't, Jake!" The tears were running down my cheeks now. I pulled myself closer so that I could hug him again. I had to convince him not to leave. I hadn't seen him in a while, but this meeting felt so final, so absolute in its ending.

He allowed me to hold him close, doing the same with the one arm he had around my waist. I could feel him fumbling with something in his pocket. I felt him lean down, and something pressed against my hair. His lips.

"Yes, Bella. It is." He shifted as his free hand moved back, and I first thought that he was pulling away again. But he kept his hold on me, almost supporting my weight. That's when I felt something cold piercing my belly.

It didn't hurt at first. I could feel a wetness soaking into my shirt as I looked up at him in shock, my eyes wide. His jaw was clenched, but the way he held his lips told me that he was about to cry. He pulled the knife away, and I could faintly hear drops of my own blood landing on the hard floor. My knees gave out from under me, but Jacob caught me. He carried me over to the bed.

There was so much blood. It had dripped down, saturating the side of my shorts, staining the pale fabric crimson. He laid me down on top of my sheets, and I felt it trailing down the side of my stomach the mark the bed. The blood, so warm at first, cooled the cloth against my skin as it came into contact with the chilly night air. Jacob had left the window open.

My whole body started growing cold, and it wasn't from the breeze that carried the lower temperature of the outdoors into my run. I was numb all over. I just stared at Jacob as I tried my best to breathe evenly. There was black at the edges of my vision.

Strangely enough, I wasn't mad at Jacob. He was, after all, trying to save me. Even though I didn't need saving. He had done what he thought was right, trying to protect me from something that wasn't a threat. I felt his sacrifice in doing this, knowing what it had cost him to make this decision.

And I was sad that this would be the last time I would ever see him. I was distraught that I wouldn't get to say goodbye to Edward. I was sorry because I knew that my death would drive the Cullens to break the treaty and start a war, no matter what. And I was angry that I was the cause. I knew that neither the vampires nor the wolves would come out of this unscathed.

I wasn't worth it. I had never deserved Edward's love, or Jacob's friendship. I was just an ordinary girl, and they had _no right_ to start a conflict over me. I was so _selfish_ in my actions of staying with Edward. He'd once told me that I would never have to make the choice of leaving to protect him. He was wrong. If I had left none of this would have ever happened, and he would be safe. Everyone would be safe. And I shouldn't have been granted all of the second chances at life that Edward had given me. After all, maybe he was just interfering with fate. And now this was my time to die, delayed for more than a year.

Through my dimming sight I could see the tears running silently down Jacob's cheeks, reflecting the moonlight. I blinked a few times, trying to keep my eyes open. I felt myself fading, and my body grew tired. "I love you Bella," Jacob once again told me. His voice sounded distant to my ears. I couldn't respond. I was too exhausted. My body wanted to give in and rest. I inhaled sharply, trying to keep my breathing regular as I started to feel the throb of my injury.

Jacob looked at the window, then back at me as he placed his hand on my cheek. "Goodbye," he said, his voice sounding faint as he uttered this last farewell. And then he was gone.

I was alone, and there was no one to save me now. I stared at my ceiling, and the waves of light that played along its surface. My breathing was labored, heavy. My body was giving in. I couldn't move, nor did I have a desire to. The only thing I could think about was how much I wanted to be with Edward, just one last time.

Looking back on his proposal, I realized how stupid it had been for me not to accept. Who cared about anything else besides the fact that I would be bound to him for eternity? The excuses I had made seemed ridiculous to me now. A life with Edward was what I wanted most in the world. And now I would never get that chance.

The light on the ceiling disappeared for the briefest second, and then I felt a cool hand on my belly, trying to stop the flow of blood from the wound. The attempt was in vain; I'd already lost far too much to be able to live. He cursed vividly, damning all werewolves to hell.

"Stay with me, Bella. Everything will be okay." His voice sounded so far away…angry, sad, but resigned. His face wasn't in my field of view; I wanted so much just to see his eyes one last time. I wanted to tell him I loved him…but I couldn't find the strength to move. "You're going to be fine. I called Carlisle on my way back…I smelled the blood."

I knew how hard it was for him to be here. There was a lot of blood…his palm was covered in it. "I'm so sorry…I shouldn't have left. We can't wait now. They've forced our hand…" I could hear in his voice the restraint, the control he was exercising. I couldn't absorb what he was telling me…he was really going to make me like him?

He leaned over me, cupping my face in his hand. I saw that his beautiful eyes, once again dark despite his hunting trip, held no trace of fear, but rather that same determination that had taken Jacob. "Don't worry, Bella. I'm not going to let you die." I only saw his face for a brief second before my vision was drowned in black.

**A/N: Second posted FanFic, hope you like it. Working on both this and The Rescue, so hopefully I won't take too long to update. Love you guys! **


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